Mutually Assured Destruction
by potidaea
Summary: Kate makes a decision she regrets after it's revealed Caroline booked two rooms for her birthday getaway.


"Do you want to run away together?  
I would say it was your best line, ever.  
Too bad I fell for it."  
\- The Good Kind by The Wreckers

* * *

_Two rooms. Two fucking rooms. _

Kate McKenzie sat at the hotel bar, seething. She couldn't believe Caroline would do this to her. When Caroline brought up the idea of a weekend away, she was so hopeful. She really thought they had moved past this push-and-pull stage of their relationship; that Caroline wasn't afraid anymore. _Some fucking birthday…God forbid people think any less of high and mighty Dr. Elliot._

With one final swig of her - third? fourth? - wine, she stepped away from the bar; legs unsteady but jaw set as she made her way to Greg's room. At least he wanted her. He always had.

"Kate? I thought we were meeting at breakfast," he looked at her in confusion.

"Why wait?" She said succinctly as she launched herself toward him, pulling at his pants before the door closed behind them.

"Hold on, Kate," he tried to slow her hands, "Is everything okay?"

_No. _

"Do you want to do this or not?"

His eyes narrowed, but he nodded, letting her continue. He knew this chance wouldn't come again.

Kate didn't want this, want him. She wanted Caroline. But Caroline didn't want her. Not really. Caroline wanted her in dark hidden corners. Never to hold hands as they crossed the street or as they wandered through the grocery store and definitely not while they picked out baby names that Kate had spent years agonizing over.

_I hate her._

Kate didn't bother taking her shirt off. Neither did Greg. She stared blankly at the ceiling, not fully aware of his presence, as he thrusted above her. She couldn't feel a thing. It was as if she was floating above herself, watching as she made this godawful mistake.

_She's never going to want me now. _

Suddenly, he was too close. She couldn't look at him. It wasn't about the baby anymore…it was about forgetting Caroline and she couldn't do that. Ever. Caroline was everywhere; deep in her pores. In her DNA. It'd take a lot more than some wine and horrible sex to forget her. She shifted, so that she was on top of Greg, facing away from him. Unfortunately this also meant she was staring at her reflection in the mirror opposite the bed. Her eyes were hollow. She looked like a shell of herself.

_Jesus. How did he not notice? Caroline was right. Asshole._

Her legs were nearly limp as she left him to do the brunt of the work. It didn't take him long to finish but to Kate, every second felt like years. She quickly gathered her clothing, wiping away tears that had formed in her eyes before rushing back to her room to wash the day off of her.

Kate had just settled in her room when she heard a knock at the door. She looked through the peep hole: Caroline.

_Shit._

"I can hear you behind the door, Kate."

Kate didn't respond, just rested her head against the door.

"I can say it from out here, that's okay." Caroline must have moved closer because she could hear her take a deep breath. "I'm so sorry, Kate. I'm a coward. I got scared. I've been hiding in the closet for twenty years. I…I don't know any different. So, please just be patient with me. God, you already _have_ been so patient...so good to me."

With those words, the last hour rushed back to Kate. She let out a deep sob that she'd been holding at bay.

"Kate?"

"Please go away." It was barely a whisper through the tears that ran down her face.

"Do you think you can you open the door?" She spoke gently, the concern evident in her voice.

Kate slid to the floor, her back against the door as she continued to cry. She felt added weight against the door for a moment, and then it was gone. Caroline must have left.

Her phone buzzed. Caroline. She couldn't bare to look. She couldn't bare to tell her the truth. This wasn't the plan. She'd break up with her. Say something cruel. Make Caroline hate her. It was kinder than the truth. A guttural sob escaped her lips as she slammed a fist to the rough, carpeted floor. _Fuck._


End file.
